Alright so Studio Ghibli’s boys really had us in the first half. Sure not everyone on that list is “traditionally sexy” but we can’t ALL be traditionally sexy Karen. SOME of us have to resort to using alternative means of attracting mates like fine plumage or complicated mating dances or creating a nest of shiny objects like Swarvoski figurines plucked from the parlor rooms of middle-aged Manhattan socialites. But I digress. Not every Disney hero is sexy. In fact, many of them aren’t. Most of Disney’s men are … well … cute? Like yeah Hercules has a the body of a Greek god because he literal is one, but he doesn’t exactly seem like the type of guy who’s gonna throw you around the bedroom (even though he quite easily could). To be honest, I think Disney’s women are truly the characters that ooze sex appeal, and the boys are just trying their best to pick their jaws up off the floor and keep up. That being said, there are exceptions that prove the rule. And something tells me these exceptions can prove it all night long.

Beast

Beast fucks. You cannot tell me otherwise. And you can’t say that for other characters. Hercules might make love, but he doesn’t fuck. Milo Thatch could give you a scientific definition of what sex is theoretically, but something tells me he’s doesn’t have a lot of “hands on experience”. Tarzan is arguably one of the more fuckable dudes in the Disney canon, but I’m not sure…