For $100,000 I Will Name Your Yacht
, 2022-06-17 12:24:29,
Because I’m always looking to make a buck, I’m inspired by local professional name-dropper Taylor Humphrey. For $10,000, she provides parents with a personalized list of names that can also be found in The Complete Book of Baby Names for $9,991 less. From a recent New Yorker article: “A client who was Lebanese and French reached out from the hospital with an emergency request. She would be raising her child in America and needed a name that worked across all three cultures. Humphrey quickly emailed a list of 50 names. The client chose her top recommendation: Chloe.”
Look, anyone can name a kid Chloe. My plan is to dip my toe into deeper waters. The most common yacht names are beyond boring: Carpe Diem, My Way, and Spirit? No. It’s beyond tragic that a floating palace could share a name with a now-defunct Southwest Airlines in-flight magazine. I’m here to help. For a mere $100,000, I’ll handcraft a bespoke name for your yacht. To give you a taste of my quality work, here are some artisanal name canapés for Dallas billionaires.
Kelcy Warren. Locals know the 66-year-old billionaire thanks to Klyde Warren Park, named for his son. Warren is the chairman of Energy Transfer Partners. Following are two yacht names I’ve chosen for him. Still the One: the 1976 hit song by Orleans feels very much in his wheelhouse, and in 2020 he earned a Forbes Philanthropy Score of 1, putting him in the lowest tier of philanthropy efforts by billionaires. (Maybe they don’t count parks?) Splendor in the Gas: if you’re not constantly giving a funny nod to the natural gas that made you unspeakably rich, what did you even do it all for?
Jerry Jones. The almost-80-year-old owner of the Dallas Cowboys already owns a superyacht called Bravo Eugenia (yawn!) that features…
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